This morning, as I drove to work, I was thinking about my mile-long to-do list and how grades need to be finished and I have a million holiday projects to start on and I was freaking out, because I knew there was something that I had forgotten. Something important. A phone call? A birthday? A work project or conference?
It wasn’t until I was G-chatting with KK when it struck me that yesterday was a VERY SPECIAL DAY that I forgot to acknowledge on this blog, and at all.
Yesterday marked 12 years since I have last vomited.
I know I’ve joked from time to time about my vomit phobia, but it’s real, y’all. Like, legit. If I so much as feel the urge coming on, I LOSE MY MIND, and engage in my steps of prevention, which are as follows:
STAGE ONE (early nausea): Immediately begin rememdies of Diet Coke and gum, to settle the stomach. DON’T PLAY. Most nausea can be warded off completely if you stay ahead of it. This is key.
STAGE TWO (feeling really, really queasy): Continue with Diet Coke and gum and/or Altoids. Find source of cold water, a cold pack, etc. and apply it to inside of wrists, face, and most importantly, BACK OF THE NECK. You want to lower your body temperature, STAT. Again, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE. I also begin a few rounds of positive thoughts here. My mantras: “I am feeling FINE!” and “This too shall pass, you are stronger than the nausea!”
STAGE THREE (it’s real bad, yo): GET THEE INTO A COLD BATH. Don’t mess around. Run the cold water. Get your whole head under that faucet, making sure cold water is on the back of your neck. Expert tip: DO NOT DO THIS IN A FULL BATHTUB. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will push you closer to the brink of barf than inhaling the water. Trust me on this one. Also? Begin singing, thinking even more positively and generally thinking about anything BUT how ill you feel. And wait it out.
This method works for me, guys. Swearsies. And it’s a time tested method, which had withstood some nasty food, bad medications and wayyyy too much alcohol.
Is it weird that I honor my No Vomit Anniversary each year? Probably. Do I care? NOT AT ALL. I plan to make this a life-long thing. Please do not scare me with pregnancy tales and the like: I AM STRONGER THAN THE NAUSEA.