The one where I decimate a kid’s self esteem unintentionally

Yesterday, I was headed to the teacher restroom during a passing period when I saw two students engaged in a shoving match.  I did my typical, “HEY!” gutteral yell, when one of the students smacked the other’s backpack really hard.

I marched up to the offender, who was dressed in a purple shirt, had long, black, curly hair and was rather rotund and demanded that they follow me to the office.  I did my whole “teacher speech” about how our campus has a hands off policy and that it isn’t nice to hit students, and that especially as a girl, such behavior was not appropriate to do to boys and a whole lot of other discipline-esque speech.

The student was silent the whole time, which only served to make me even angrier, because HELLO, I AM TALKING TO YOU!  I continued on with my speech, saying that she could get really hurt if the boy hit her, and that if she was trying to flirt with him, there were other things she could do, and basically prattled on incessantly.

When we arrived in the office, I began rattling off the incident to the principal’s secretary so that she could explain the situation when the student had to see the principal or VP.

Finally, I snapped at the kid, “And what is your name?”

And in the deepest, scariest voice ever, the kid spit out HIS NAME.  This was no girl, it was a dude, who looked like a girl.

I was mortified.  And then I apologized over and over again for thinking that “he” was a “she.”  The poor kid looked so defeated, and I felt really awful.

Until about 2 minutes later, when another student ran by me, tugged on a girls backpack and said, “HEY!  HE LIKES YOU!” while pointing at a friend.  The girl giggled and the kid yelled, “HE WANTS TO GET FREAKY!”

Then the kid saw me, said, “Awww, hell nah!” and ran into the science building.

I laughed the whole way to my classroom.

Sometimes, I love, love, love my job.

*It should be noted that I saw the “girl” this morning and guess what?  HE GOT A HAIRCUT.  What have I done?!

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10 Comments

Filed under life with titch

10 responses to “The one where I decimate a kid’s self esteem unintentionally

  1. Bwah hahahahahahah. That is PRICELESS. My favorite part is the alternative suggestions to flirting by physical harm. HAH!

  2. Ari

    That’s horrible . . . and HILARIOUS!!

  3. This is why I told Derick he has to get regular haircuts until he’s 18. He’d totally look like a girl, too.

  4. too too funny! i say you deserve a raise! his mother probably loves you at this moment.

    xo

  5. Seriously, the kid probably needed to hear that!

  6. yikes!!! don’t feel bad! hahah it’s pretty funny and the kid will survive. You probably saved him from other kids making fun of him.

  7. SNORT!
    I used to sub at a middle school and I’m pretty sure that you could make good money as a stand-up comedian with all THAT material! HEE!

  8. AH HA HA HA HA!!!! Oh Amy, I WISH I’d been blogging when I was still in the classroom. There are just so many stories like this one.

    And, hey, coming from a clean-cut, short-haired family….good for you, getting that kid to “get his ears lowered” as my dad would say.

  9. Oh dear, that’s hilarious and awful all at the same time!! I’m sure you weren’t the first to misinterpret all that hair though, just perhaps the last straw 😉 That hair cut will do him some good though.

  10. Oh my. This reminds me of the time I was doing a week-long internship at an elementary school, and I caught a boy in the girls’ bathroom swinging from the bars between the stalls. At least, I thought it was a boy! So I told the kid, “Hey, those bars aren’t for swinging. And this bathroom is only for girls. What are you doing in here?” And the kid was all, “Um, I’m a GIRL.”

    Oh. Ooops.

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