SILENCIO!

Over the weekend, Andrew and I saw “Love Happens” which was a movie I was definitely TOO excited to see, mostly because I love Jennifer Aniston, and think she’s cute as a button.  The movie was okay—a few tear jerker moments, a few laughs, and definitely a lot of weirdness to make sure you understand that Jennifer’s character IS A FREE SPIRIT.  She is QUIRKY.  As a bit of a free spirit (who is hyper uptight!) I get a kick out of movies who emphasize the idiosyncricies of their main characters to make sure you know they are DIFFERENT.

Anyways, we were seated near the worst people ever to live.  I’m sorry.  But they were truly terrible humans to be seated near in a movie.  OK, I’ll give them this: I really like silence.  During movies, I think that if you must speak to your companion, it should be a whisper.  Making general observations about the film, ruining jokes/moments if you’ve seen it before, and generally making noise should be avoided.  Also, because I slip this little tidbit in any time I can: CHEW QUIETLY.  I realize that candy is chewing, but your Milk Duds should not ruin my experience because all I can hear is your jaw up and down and your smacking lips.

The woman in front of us was apparently named Captain Obvious, because she told us everything that was happening.  From key moments in the plot (“Oooh, they’re not getting along!” or “Hey, that’s the Space Needle!”) to obvious jokes explained, she talked incessantly through the whole thing.

At first, I tried my typical reaction to such rudeness: a sly “Shhhhh!” to encourage quiet and let her know that both of my ears were functioning.  No dice.  She kept prattling on to her husband, who sounded as if he was going to wheeze himself to death at each semi-humorous moment.  I figured, if you can’t beat them, join ’em!  The rest of the movie went like this:

LADY: “Oh look, it’s a sword!”

ME: “YES, THAT IS A SWORD!  THANK YOU!”

LADY:  “Ah!  No!  Don’t leave!”

ME: “OHMYGODSHE’SLEAVING!”

I’m sad to report that my passive-aggressive method did not work in shutting her up.  It did, however, make Andrew and I laugh hysterically.

And really that’s all I cared about.

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8 Comments

Filed under life with titch

8 responses to “SILENCIO!

  1. That’s all I ever care about. If you can’t beat ’em, make fun of ’em, I always say.

  2. That is awesome! I hate when people ruin movies for me but I would’ve gotten a kick out of your comments!

  3. another jennifer aniston lover. and aaron eckhart is one of my boyfriends! i only love going to the movies with my daughter as she and i have your same philosophy. it seems like rude behavior is the new black right now.

    xo

  4. Juley Robarge Woods

    You are killing me woman.
    I bet it made the movie 100 times better with your added dialogue!

  5. Caitlin

    Oh god. I totally feel you about stupid people in movie theatres. I get so bugged by people and annoyed to the point that I can’t enjoy myself but my boyfriend is just totally chill and fine and is like calm down get over it. But I think it is reasonable to expect that when you watch a movie and are sitting next to a stranger that you would retain some sense of decency.

    The things that bug me the most about people in movie theatres:
    People that come in LATE and ask YOU to move so that their whole group of 15 people can sit together. Oh, my bad, I didn’t just get here early so that I could find the perfect seat and claim it and then warm it up. No, that was all for you apparently. Fail.
    People that slurp and chew and slop and nibble and crunch. Every single time I look incredulously in their direction (even though they can’t see me in the dark) and go “seriously? seriously, do you need to be making that noise? is that last drop of slurpee really that important?” There was this one girl that was sitting next to me one time that made that I am done with my drink now and taking the last sip so it is going to be loud and make a sucking noise for 3o minutes. No joke.
    People that laugh too long/too loud/at inappropriate times or the emotional parts
    Bringing an infant in to an R rated movie! Wtf.
    Honorable mentions: people that kick the back of your chair, people that leave their candy wrappers and spilt pop everywhere, and people that get up to go to the bathroom atleast three times and climb into your lap.

    Your entries have become a sort of therapy for me, lol. Thank you for the opportunity to rant!

  6. I would have LOVED to experience that with you.

  7. Susan

    I payed a lot of money for tickets to a Jackson Browne concert at Red Rocks in Colorado and took a plane there to see it. (My sister lives there too so it was two fer plane trip) and a group of “Ladies” behind me apparently hadn’t talked for a while and had some really important info to share with each other because they were yelling over the music to be able to hear each other clearly. Me standing up, turning around doing the cut it off motion across my neck and saying “I can’t even hear the music,” had absolutely no affect on thier talking. I am so glad to read this post because when I am bothered by those sorts of things my sister always likes to act like it is my problem by saying “it didn’t bother me.” Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so glad to know I am not the Lone Ranger.

  8. Argh, that is so annoying!! And I can’t believe they didn’t take the effing hint. At least it turned out fun for you in the end!

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