Over the weekend, Andrew and I saw “Love Happens” which was a movie I was definitely TOO excited to see, mostly because I love Jennifer Aniston, and think she’s cute as a button. The movie was okay—a few tear jerker moments, a few laughs, and definitely a lot of weirdness to make sure you understand that Jennifer’s character IS A FREE SPIRIT. She is QUIRKY. As a bit of a free spirit (who is hyper uptight!) I get a kick out of movies who emphasize the idiosyncricies of their main characters to make sure you know they are DIFFERENT.
Anyways, we were seated near the worst people ever to live. I’m sorry. But they were truly terrible humans to be seated near in a movie. OK, I’ll give them this: I really like silence. During movies, I think that if you must speak to your companion, it should be a whisper. Making general observations about the film, ruining jokes/moments if you’ve seen it before, and generally making noise should be avoided. Also, because I slip this little tidbit in any time I can: CHEW QUIETLY. I realize that candy is chewing, but your Milk Duds should not ruin my experience because all I can hear is your jaw up and down and your smacking lips.
The woman in front of us was apparently named Captain Obvious, because she told us everything that was happening. From key moments in the plot (“Oooh, they’re not getting along!” or “Hey, that’s the Space Needle!”) to obvious jokes explained, she talked incessantly through the whole thing.
At first, I tried my typical reaction to such rudeness: a sly “Shhhhh!” to encourage quiet and let her know that both of my ears were functioning. No dice. She kept prattling on to her husband, who sounded as if he was going to wheeze himself to death at each semi-humorous moment. I figured, if you can’t beat them, join ’em! The rest of the movie went like this:
LADY: “Oh look, it’s a sword!”
ME: “YES, THAT IS A SWORD! THANK YOU!”
LADY: “Ah! No! Don’t leave!”
I’m sad to report that my passive-aggressive method did not work in shutting her up. It did, however, make Andrew and I laugh hysterically.
And really that’s all I cared about.