How to use Facebook without being a jerk

So, the thing is, I’m a big Facebook fan. I used to be a MySpacer, and then found out I could play Scrabble on Facebook, and I was all, “Peace out, MySpace!” Still, I have to admit that this article made me do a lot of thinking about why Facebook, in all honesty, sucks. I don’t want you to suck, okay? And I sure as hell don’t want to suck. Here are my rules for using Facebook without being a jerk.

  1. I don’t want to have a political discussion. Okay, okay, so I did post a link to what I wrote here about Obama’s speech, but other than that?  I keep the political crazy on the downlow, thanks.  I have multiple friends on my list who use FB as a way to post links to every article about how Obama is sending the world to hell, OR how the Republicans have really lost it.  I don’t mind an occasional article, but the constant firestorm of links to crazytown?  That train is leavin’ without me.
  2. Your kid’s every move is NOT important to me—or anyone else.I realize that some people are going to be all, “Wow, Amy, I didn’t know you hated babies!”  I don’t.  But here’s the general rule: I don’t want to read about your child pooping, barfing, potty training or anything else.  Why?  Because your kid is going to grow up and hate you if they hear that you posted about every time they pooped.  No, really.  They don’t want that.  In my opinion, if it’s not something you’d post about yourself, don’t post it about your kid.  I don’t want to read about your gastrointestinal issues, so I don’t want to read about your kid’s either.  One of my favorite sites, EVER, because it’s so true is STFU, Parents.  Read it, and understand.  It’s too much information, guys, whether it’s about your 6-month-old or you.
  3. A comment doesn’t equal a conversation. I don’t mean to be rude here, but seriously?  The art of the text, email and letter have not died.  Give me a call, send a text or email and let’s really chat.  I get sad when I realize that some friendships have been reduced to a simple “thumbs up” brief “That’s great!”.  I am guilty of this too, it just bothers me so much that communication with friends has gotten lazy.  I miss y’all.
  4. Don’t use FB to make others feel bad. I admit it: I’m a baby.  But when we’re close friends and I find out via Facebook that you’re having our mutual friends over for dinner or there’s a girls night planned and I’m very obviously left out?  It bothers me.  And it hurts my feelings.  I realize that sometimes, it’s inadvertent, but sometimes?  Well, sometimes it feels just a little too planned.  See: status updates about plans, updates during said plans, and morning after “HAD A BLAST!” posts.  If you’re trying to leave people out via a website, well…it’s likely that we probably shouldn’t hang out anyways.  And if it’s unintentional, then just tell me that.
  5. Also?  Don’t use FB to post your passive-aggressive updates. If you’re mad at your boyfriend, discuss it with him offline.  If your friends forgot your birthday, you had a fight with your mom, your roommate didn’t clean the apartment, WHATEVER, please, please, please handle it out of your status update.  I will, however, totally read your “wall-to-wall” nonsense if it’s juicy.
  6. STOP SENDING ME HUGS, BUMPER STICKERS, MAFIA WARS INVITES, PUPPIES, SORORITY, YO-VILLE AND ALL THAT CRAP. I’ll take a hug in person, or a real drink.  But seriously?  Cut it out.  The one exception?  I have a soft spot for SuperPoking.  I like “shopping” and “rolling in the hay” with people.  Sorry, I think it’s cute, AND I don’t have to get some stupid notification at the top of my page when I log in.
  7. Don’t make your profile private if you think I have any interest in stalking you. Okay, fine.  I know this makes me horrible, but if you are: an ex-boyfriend, a girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend, a friend I don’t talk to any longer, etc. please, please, please do me a solid and leave that profile wide open.  546 pictures?  YES PLEASE!  Seeing how ridiculous you’ve become since we broke up?  YESSSSS.

If I offended you with this post, sorry.  It’s not you, it’s me and my picky FB preferences.



Filed under life with titch

25 responses to “How to use Facebook without being a jerk

  1. One of my biggest peeve is getting the status updates (not as common now with the new interface):

    “Amy is no longer in a relationship”
    “Amy is in a relationship”
    “Amy is no longer in a relationship”

    throughout the day. (Sorry to use your name as an example!) It’s like, “ok, so now we ALL know you’re having a fight with your boyfriend. Now you made up. Now you’re fighting again” — who cares!

  2. ReinventingAmy

    agree! esp with #4… i recently saw a friend’s update about her being excited over another friend’s date to her impending wedding and I’m all- hey? what about my date? yeah it’s a girl and it’s just a friend, but HEY!

  3. Yes to all of those things!

  4. Gina

    Amy!! Oh man… that ‘Parents, STFU’ website is Hilarious!!! I’m a mom, and like to think I’m a devoted, good mom and I can’t even imagine posting “crap” about Claudia on FB. She would seriously be embarrassed, and it’s not ladylike or “cute” in anyway. Totally agree with you on this one!! Haha, that website was making me Laugh out Loud!

  5. ohhayitskk

    to add:

    don’t put pictures of your newborn baby up, but if you do, at least wipe the placenta off first.

    not kidding. i saw this last night.

    also, when are we going to fbook scrabble?

  6. Please play Scrabble with me? Pretty please?

    Also, you may have seen this already, but if not WATCH IT NOT. This is some funny s**t and goes along perfectly with this post!

  7. Sam

    I so don’t want to end up on the STFU website, so I really really try not to post the mundane poopy stuff…unless it’s funny. Right? So I’m vowing that when T starts potty training, I won’t inform the world via status update. Until he’s successful. Is that wrong? 🙂

    I think this generation of children is going to be so lackadasical about everything we posted…hopefully it will just seem normal!

  8. I just had #4 happen to me when a girl I work with posted an album labeled “Girl’s Night” where my closest friend at work and her went out. Why wasn’t I invited? 😦 I get jealous really easily. And I’m super, super sensitive.

    I agree with all of these! I especially hate when people only use FB to talk about how horrible their life is. My aunt has one and she only ever posts a comment when she wants someone to pray for her. Oh, and last week? She totally used her status to ask people for money. She even included her address!

  9. Sam

    And can I get a WITNESS about the political stuff? Oh, it makes me mad…I don’t post a ton of Obama stuff, out of a sense of not wanting to stir the hornet’s nest, and I really do try hard not to get into huge discussions. I keep my political stuff to Twitter, which is why I don’t cross post, usually, and why I keep my blog off Facebook…I need a place to say what I think!

    The hardest part was during the election…I wanted to beat my head on my desk, with all the Sarah Palin love…ack!

  10. Haha, I too said peace out to MySpace and only use Facebook now. But I agree with every single point. The app invites especially drive me crazy – I ignore like 5 per day. I don’t want to play Mafia Wars or create a fake farm!

  11. Gina

    Yes, I new one girl who EVERY freaking day would post on her status updates things like…

    ***** is so sad.
    ***** wonders when life will be better for her.
    ***** wonders who REALLY loves her?
    ***** feels people are out to get her

    Finally, some one called her out and then she deleted her account. Good grief!

  12. Katie

    I think the most ridiculous facebook quiz I’ve seen is: “What Vera Bradley pattern are you?” I mean, I kind of like Vera Bradley, but REALLY?

  13. I’ll be honest, I do not understand the appeal of Facebook. I could go into this crazy long diatribe about it, but I’ll just come out and say it. I think Facebook is lame.* There I said it. I feel much better now.

    *to be clear, people on Facebook are not lame, its Facebook itself I find lame. also? i love you.

  14. #2: YES! I JUST got done reading a status update about how my friend had to stay up late with her new baby and it was SO LONG she had to comment underneath it to finish her “thought.” Guess what? I don’t give a fuck. Post something about body shots that I might give a shit about.

    #7: Duh, we all need a little facestalking in our life. Without facestalking I wouldn’t be married. 🙂

    I love this post, as a Facebook addict I definitely think there need to be ground rules.

  15. A Super Girl

    #3 — totally agree. I’m guilty of it myself, but realize how lazy it’s made our friendships

    #6 — the thing I’m hating on these days (besides Mafia Wars) is Farmville. Who has time for these things?! I check my Facebook religiously (like 50 times a day), yet have somehow made it without playing all these reindeer games!

    #7 — AMEN. It’s also why I leave my profile wide open. Except in my case, it’s to show the exes how cool I’ve become 😉

  16. OGOD I have this uber-conservative cousin who is constantly posting political crap. So annoying. I’d totally UNFOLLOW if he wasn’t family…

    But, in defense of the kiddo stuff…I usually only post that stuff because it’s a super easy way for family and friends to keep up with what my kid is doing and stuff. I don’t think everyone is like, totally into it or anything, but I definitely see a place for it on Facebook.

  17. P.S. I had completely the same attitude about kid stuff…until I had my own kid. It’s almost reflex at that point. 🙂

  18. Ari

    Awesome post! Thank you!

  19. I love the one about exes and friends you no longer talk to – please leave your profile open. I am so guilty of internet stalking. It’s probably healthier that none of my exes have public profiles.

    Also my facebook pet peeve is “chain” statuses, like that one last week about healthcare. “If you believe that no one should be without healthcare, blah blah blah, post this in your status”

    I HATE those and wanted to set my status as “chain statuses are dumb” but then I’d have to actually put “Rachel thinks it is dumb to have a status about how chain statuses are dumb.”

  20. Jo

    LOVE THIS! So perfect!

  21. Britt

    I agree with all gripes/rules except #2 & #4.

    I appreciate that you are a woman of well chosen words and clear intent, but come on you are too nice!

    I have to say in regards to #2 —while we love our own kids this does not readily pass on to everyone! Not only do I not care about your childs bowel or bladder incidents; odds are I don’t really like your child. I might proffer a courtsey “isn’t that nice” but thats all. Plus, if you are singing the praises of spending your time grinding organic baby food—perhaps you should consider expanding your horizions. There is nothing worse than trying to have an adult conversation that is dominated by “little Tommy stories”.

    As to #4–it boils down to do not be a bitch! (apologies to the inadvertant offenders) If your intent is to hurt others why not just give them a call and say ” I don’t like you, you are not my current flavor, or I find time with you painful” because that is what is really being said. FB just allows people to behave poorly without any real discomfort to themselves; due to the fact that they may be shallow, dense, or possibly just so bland that it is their only excitment—-next to grinding organic baby food.

  22. Hi! I just found your blog and love this post.

    #2- I think you said it PERFECTLY. “If you wouldn’t post it about yourself, don’t post it about your kid.”

    #5- I HATE that! Especially when they have so many updates about how awful their life is, etc, etc, and you ask if they’re ok and they’re all like “Yeah I’m fine…” Ok then stop posting that bs.

    Here’s another one for ya- Chronic LOLers. I have a friend that comments “LOL” on everything. Even if a laugh is so not the appropriate reaction. Super annoying.

  23. Pingback: Facebook Unfriending: The 21st Century Bitchslap « Just A Titch

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