So, the thing is, I’m a big Facebook fan. I used to be a MySpacer, and then found out I could play Scrabble on Facebook, and I was all, “Peace out, MySpace!” Still, I have to admit that this article made me do a lot of thinking about why Facebook, in all honesty, sucks. I don’t want you to suck, okay? And I sure as hell don’t want to suck. Here are my rules for using Facebook without being a jerk.
- I don’t want to have a political discussion. Okay, okay, so I did post a link to what I wrote here about Obama’s speech, but other than that? I keep the political crazy on the downlow, thanks. I have multiple friends on my list who use FB as a way to post links to every article about how Obama is sending the world to hell, OR how the Republicans have really lost it. I don’t mind an occasional article, but the constant firestorm of links to crazytown? That train is leavin’ without me.
- Your kid’s every move is NOT important to me—or anyone else.I realize that some people are going to be all, “Wow, Amy, I didn’t know you hated babies!” I don’t. But here’s the general rule: I don’t want to read about your child pooping, barfing, potty training or anything else. Why? Because your kid is going to grow up and hate you if they hear that you posted about every time they pooped. No, really. They don’t want that. In my opinion, if it’s not something you’d post about yourself, don’t post it about your kid. I don’t want to read about your gastrointestinal issues, so I don’t want to read about your kid’s either. One of my favorite sites, EVER, because it’s so true is STFU, Parents. Read it, and understand. It’s too much information, guys, whether it’s about your 6-month-old or you.
- A comment doesn’t equal a conversation. I don’t mean to be rude here, but seriously? The art of the text, email and letter have not died. Give me a call, send a text or email and let’s really chat. I get sad when I realize that some friendships have been reduced to a simple “thumbs up” brief “That’s great!”. I am guilty of this too, it just bothers me so much that communication with friends has gotten lazy. I miss y’all.
- Don’t use FB to make others feel bad. I admit it: I’m a baby. But when we’re close friends and I find out via Facebook that you’re having our mutual friends over for dinner or there’s a girls night planned and I’m very obviously left out? It bothers me. And it hurts my feelings. I realize that sometimes, it’s inadvertent, but sometimes? Well, sometimes it feels just a little too planned. See: status updates about plans, updates during said plans, and morning after “HAD A BLAST!” posts. If you’re trying to leave people out via a website, well…it’s likely that we probably shouldn’t hang out anyways. And if it’s unintentional, then just tell me that.
- Also? Don’t use FB to post your passive-aggressive updates. If you’re mad at your boyfriend, discuss it with him offline. If your friends forgot your birthday, you had a fight with your mom, your roommate didn’t clean the apartment, WHATEVER, please, please, please handle it out of your status update. I will, however, totally read your “wall-to-wall” nonsense if it’s juicy.
- STOP SENDING ME HUGS, BUMPER STICKERS, MAFIA WARS INVITES, PUPPIES, SORORITY, YO-VILLE AND ALL THAT CRAP. I’ll take a hug in person, or a real drink. But seriously? Cut it out. The one exception? I have a soft spot for SuperPoking. I like “shopping” and “rolling in the hay” with people. Sorry, I think it’s cute, AND I don’t have to get some stupid notification at the top of my page when I log in.
- Don’t make your profile private if you think I have any interest in stalking you. Okay, fine. I know this makes me horrible, but if you are: an ex-boyfriend, a girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend, a friend I don’t talk to any longer, etc. please, please, please do me a solid and leave that profile wide open. 546 pictures? YES PLEASE! Seeing how ridiculous you’ve become since we broke up? YESSSSS.
If I offended you with this post, sorry. It’s not you, it’s me and my picky FB preferences.