You’re Welcome

So, on both Friday and Saturday night this weekend I didn’t feel like cooking dinner.  I’m not even going to apologize for it.  It was seriously the longest week ever, and then the meal I planned for Saturday evening was foiled because SOMEONE forgot to put the meat for the turkey burgers in the freezer.  So, it expired in the refrigerator.  And I DON’T EAT ANYTHING past the expiration date.  Ever.

Anyways, we went over to Fresh Choice for dinner (yes, BOTH NIGHTS, don’t judge me), so we could have salad and soup and frozen yogurt.  OK, and so I could have a piece of Old Fashioned Bread Pudding which is basically heaven in a muffin-esque little cake.  For those of you not acquainted with the FC, it’s a build your own salad bar, that also has pizza, pasta, soup, and a billion other things.  It’s pretty healthy, depending on what you get, and also pretty delicious.

But this post is not about the food.  It’s about how to behave at a buffet.

First of all, I just want to post an honest question.  And that question is: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?  I cannot comprehend how some people come to public places and behave the way that they do.  Since I am clearly a walking example of class and good manners, I present the following rules for how to behave in a buffet-type situation:

CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN. I realize I’m about to piss off an army of mommy-bloggers, but seriously.  I don’t understand why on earth parents permit their children to run around a crowded area where adults are balancing trays.  On one occasion, I had the good fortune of being around an entire gaggle of children playing some ridiculous game of freeze tag—IN THE SOUP AREA.  Seriously, kiddo?  If you smack in to me one more time, you’re going to have hot, steaming soup on your head.   The clincher?  One parent remarking upon how sweet it was that all the kids were “getting along so well.”  Super sweet, lady.  Super, super sweet.

Give me personal space. I really hate people who get in my “bubble” at any time.  But when I feel like you’re breathing on my salad, I get even more angry.  Just give me another 10 seconds with the mushrooms.  I promise that you’ll have your turn.  You standing up against me, watching me makes me much more apt to take my sweet time than hurry up so you can build your salad.  BACK UP OFF ME.

Watch what you’re doing. Seriously, peeps?  This seems like common sense in any restaurant where people are wandering about with trays of food.  But when you get out of your booth, LOOK.  Just take a quick peek to avoid smacking into me.  THANKS.

Save some for the whales. Remember when we were little, and we’d wait for the water fountain, and chant something like “1-2-3 AND AWAY!” or “Save some for the whales!” to people who took too long drinking?  That’s how I feel at buffets.  There was a rather portly young girl who went back to the frozen yogurt machine 7 times.  SEVEN.  I counted, because I’m a terrible person.  But when I went to the fro-yo machine and had to wait because it wasn’t frozen yet, thanks to it needing a refill, I didn’t feel too bad.  Seriously, I know you’re at a buffet, but can you just spread the love a bit?  Alternate the yogurt with some pudding, try a few varieties of pizza.  But for the love of goodness, don’t polish off everything.

—Be nice. Seriously, I can’t believe I have to say this.  But don’t cut in line or push.  The same woman who was all up in my space chose to cut me off in a line.  Another person shoved into me to grab a piece of bread.  Really, grown-ups?  We need to push and shove to get a piece of french bread?  It’s ridiculous.  Just wait your turn.  You’ll get it, swearsies.

I feel better now.  Feel free to print this out and take it the next time you go to a buffet.  Though I’m sure that most of you are polite enough not to need such a guide.

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11 Comments

Filed under life with titch

11 responses to “You’re Welcome

  1. You know how I feel about this…somewhere along the way manners became uncool or something.

  2. Omg, this post was hilarious and made me laugh out loud. You wouldn’t believe how much I relate to this. Some people’s children. Sheesh.

    Your writing is really funny!

  3. kori

    I agree with you wholeheartedly, and most especially on the untamed children note. As a former preschool teacher and proud cousin to two little ones who are basically Satan incarnate, I do not get this. At all. It is possible to control your children in a reasonable way. No one is asking them to be perfectly behaved. Just reasonable. And this does not include putting them on a leash.

  4. This post was so funny! And I can relate to every single one when out at a buffet-style restaurant. It’s annoying and if someone is invading my space, I will most definitely take even longer to move out of the way. Just to annoy them and (hopefully) get the point across.

  5. The teacher comes out when I go out too. I mean, if I can control a classroom of 25, surely parents can control 1-3 kids! I hear you!!

  6. awmb

    Srsly?! Gah. I hate it when people don’t restrain their children. I love children, but only when I’m prepared for them. I can’t just handle them if they pop out of nowhere and start grabbing onto my leg, dammit!!!
    It’s sad that our society has come to this where we actually have to TELL people that they’re being obnoxiously rude.
    Hope your experience is better next time!

  7. Ugh, I went to a buffet with my parents on Friday, and there were fresh oysters there. As my dad and sister were waiting in line behind this guy, the guy filled up his plate, to the point that he had to use one hand to hold the top part to avoid it falling out of his place, because that’s how much he put on there. He must’ve gotten at least about 20 oysters.

    He left nothing for my dad and sister, who then had to wait around for the restaurant to open more oysters in the kitchen and refill the buffet.

    Seriously. They’re not running out of it. Couldn’t you have taken a few then come back for more, instead of leaving nothing for the people that are in line behind you??

  8. I hate buffets!! I love eating out, but I avoid buffets as much as possible – for all the reasons above and also because of the food. I prefer to have a nice relaxing, permanently seated meal. I like to order one thing off the menu and have it bought to me, nicely presented, and enjoy just that one thing. I always feel full, but not totally stuffed from trying a bit of everything like at a buffet. Plus most of the buffet restaurants here are basically a free for all chinese/fish and chip shop with dishes of bulk frozen veges at the end. And if they have ‘roast veges’ you can all but guarantee they’re deep fried, and it is just not the same. If I want to eat that sorta crap I can go to the local takeout shop, spend much less money and eat in the comfort of my own home!

  9. People really do lose their sense of everything at buffets.

  10. I have a fear of buffets. I’m pretty sure when I eventually die it will be from some buffet related incident.

  11. I don’t eat anything after the expiration date, either. I just don’t trust it. My roommate thinks I’m weird and uses EVERYTHING.

    My biggest problem is when people are right up on you in line, like you said. If I have to scoot back a few inches for any reason, I shouldn’t feel your hands on my butt or your arm in my shoulder.

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