So, on both Friday and Saturday night this weekend I didn’t feel like cooking dinner. I’m not even going to apologize for it. It was seriously the longest week ever, and then the meal I planned for Saturday evening was foiled because SOMEONE forgot to put the meat for the turkey burgers in the freezer. So, it expired in the refrigerator. And I DON’T EAT ANYTHING past the expiration date. Ever.
Anyways, we went over to Fresh Choice for dinner (yes, BOTH NIGHTS, don’t judge me), so we could have salad and soup and frozen yogurt. OK, and so I could have a piece of Old Fashioned Bread Pudding which is basically heaven in a muffin-esque little cake. For those of you not acquainted with the FC, it’s a build your own salad bar, that also has pizza, pasta, soup, and a billion other things. It’s pretty healthy, depending on what you get, and also pretty delicious.
But this post is not about the food. It’s about how to behave at a buffet.
First of all, I just want to post an honest question. And that question is: WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? I cannot comprehend how some people come to public places and behave the way that they do. Since I am clearly a walking example of class and good manners, I present the following rules for how to behave in a buffet-type situation:
—CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN. I realize I’m about to piss off an army of mommy-bloggers, but seriously. I don’t understand why on earth parents permit their children to run around a crowded area where adults are balancing trays. On one occasion, I had the good fortune of being around an entire gaggle of children playing some ridiculous game of freeze tag—IN THE SOUP AREA. Seriously, kiddo? If you smack in to me one more time, you’re going to have hot, steaming soup on your head. The clincher? One parent remarking upon how sweet it was that all the kids were “getting along so well.” Super sweet, lady. Super, super sweet.
—Give me personal space. I really hate people who get in my “bubble” at any time. But when I feel like you’re breathing on my salad, I get even more angry. Just give me another 10 seconds with the mushrooms. I promise that you’ll have your turn. You standing up against me, watching me makes me much more apt to take my sweet time than hurry up so you can build your salad. BACK UP OFF ME.
—Watch what you’re doing. Seriously, peeps? This seems like common sense in any restaurant where people are wandering about with trays of food. But when you get out of your booth, LOOK. Just take a quick peek to avoid smacking into me. THANKS.
—Save some for the whales. Remember when we were little, and we’d wait for the water fountain, and chant something like “1-2-3 AND AWAY!” or “Save some for the whales!” to people who took too long drinking? That’s how I feel at buffets. There was a rather portly young girl who went back to the frozen yogurt machine 7 times. SEVEN. I counted, because I’m a terrible person. But when I went to the fro-yo machine and had to wait because it wasn’t frozen yet, thanks to it needing a refill, I didn’t feel too bad. Seriously, I know you’re at a buffet, but can you just spread the love a bit? Alternate the yogurt with some pudding, try a few varieties of pizza. But for the love of goodness, don’t polish off everything.
—Be nice. Seriously, I can’t believe I have to say this. But don’t cut in line or push. The same woman who was all up in my space chose to cut me off in a line. Another person shoved into me to grab a piece of bread. Really, grown-ups? We need to push and shove to get a piece of french bread? It’s ridiculous. Just wait your turn. You’ll get it, swearsies.
I feel better now. Feel free to print this out and take it the next time you go to a buffet. Though I’m sure that most of you are polite enough not to need such a guide.