Two Lumps Of…Uh, Coal?

I was seven years old, and it was Christmas! Is there anything better to a seven-year-old than Christmas? We went to my grandparents house and opened gifts with my entire extended family: my grandparents, my aunt and uncle and their two kids—my much older cousins, and another uncle I hadn’t seen in many years.

At this particular grandparents’ house, there is a very special tradition: we open gifts one at a time, and when you open your gift, you hold it up and slowly show everyone in the room what you just opened. This makes for the world’s longest present-opening, but is also kind of fun, because you get to see what everyone received.

Anyways, after presents were opened and the room was awash in wrapping paper and ribbon. My grandmother suddenly announced, “I see one more present on the tree! Who could it be for? Amy, why don’t you go look!” I went over, and saw my name on the tag. MY NAME. I was thrilled. A special present! Just for me!

I sat down, the entire family’s eyes on me. Slowly, I unwrapped the box, watching my grandparents beam. I opened the tissue paper very slowly, and then I saw it.

A bra. Two tiny pink triangles, with lace and a bow. A training bra, for me, a seven-year-old with tiny spider bite boobs that probably were sprouting but not quite in need of a bra just yet. And certainly not so in need of one that I NEEDED TO RECEIVE IT AS A GIFT. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

But no, it didn’t stop there. My grandma insisted that I hold it up and show everyone. Oh, and of course show everyone the tiny, pink panties that matched with it.

And then? The kicker.

She told me my grandpa helped pick them out.

I don’t think I made eye contact with any of my male relatives the rest of the day. I was horrified. And even though I know my grandma meant well, meant to acknowledge my maturity, and give me something girly and special, I was mortified. I thought that my mom and I would one day go shopping for my first bra together, and while we’ve had many special shopping days since then—bras and more!—I definitely never, ever imagined that this is how I’d get my first glimpse of bras.

So, how did you get your first bra?



Filed under life with titch

10 responses to “Two Lumps Of…Uh, Coal?

  1. You know, we had this commercial in Brazil that said “you never forget your first bra”

    BS. I have no idea when I first got mine, what age I was — I don’t even remember when I started wearing them regurlarly!

  2. Kim

    I had to go through the horror of shopping for it with my mother. i’d pick one out and she’d tell me (loudly) why that one was wrong. It was a great experience. 🙂

  3. OMG! Now THAT is a story! My family does the whole taking turns thing and showing everyone (and we’re not a small family) so yeah, it takes forever.

    My first bra shopping trip was with my mother and we ended up in the lingerie section at The Bon (now Macy’s). I was mortified and my mother was looking at all the selection when I finally found a triangle bra from Jockey and insisted my mom by it “now, now, NOW!” so we could get out of there.

    Even better, I don’t think I was even a 32A yet. But all the other girls were wearing them at that point and I wanted to fit in. Aww, memories. 🙂

  4. Eeeeeeek!!! That is horrible! I actually don’t exactly remember the story of my first bra, but it was pretty early. I was an early sprouter and needed a bra by 4th grade. My boobs weren’t HUGE, but there was enough there that they needed something. I do remember when my stepmom bought me some bras and told my dad about it and OH MY GOD I was so embarassed.

  5. verybadcat

    Wow, that’s worse than my story, which I thought was pretty damn bad. My Daddy took me to buy my first bra, and then he took me for lunch with my Grandma, and he snapped my bra in front of her. He then made a reference to my Mom’s overflowing rack and my boobage potential. Yeah.

  6. omg! still laughing. sad to say, i am 49 years old and do not even need to wear a bra…forget the story of a first bra!


  7. I am mortified for you. I totally don’t remember my first bra!

  8. My aunt, who is only a few years older than me, rudely remarked one day in front of God and everyone that she could see my “nips” through my shirt. So, my mom took me to JC Penney and we got a training bra. When we got home I spent 2 hours in the bathroom trying to put the damn thing on.

  9. kel

    Dude. Just…dude.

  10. Peggy

    I am so sorry that you still remember that. I was so mad at your grandma for doing that. Not her job at all. Love you!!!

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