To be honest, it’s been “one of those mornings.” I woke up with a big smile, because I thought it was Friday.
I had to go to the store on my way to work because it’s everyone’s birthday today. Seriously. 2 at my school, 3 outside of school and of course, President Obama! I needed to bring cards, chocolate and the works, especially for my boss.
Anyways, when I was grabbing a massive candy bar for a co-workers birthday, I ran across a woman who was doing her shopping and talking to herself incessantly. She was muttering about the price of Werther’s Originals being “so damn high these days” and kept looking my general direction. I smiled politely and ignored her.
When I got up to the cash register to pay, I was making small talk with the cashier when Muttery Mutterson came up behind me. She looked at me, and said something that seemed to be directed at me.
“Excuse me?” I said.
“I was just remarking that I hate your dress! It’s hideous!”
I was stunned into silence, and the cashier just stood there too, mouth agape for about 30 seconds, collected herself and then said, “Well, I think it’s adorable.” Muttery sniffed audibly and rolled her eyes while the cashier gave me my reciept.
Muttery just went about her business, looking for her checkbook and talking to herself as if she hadn’t just insulted the hell out of someone SHE DOESN’T KNOW. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her saggy black pants and kitten t-shirt didn’t exactly go with her fetching, MASSIVE black sunglasses and that her Teva’s went out of style in 1990.
I hope she and her 17 cats have a very happy life together.
Oh, and for the record, as soon as I arrived at work, my most fashionable friend said, “God, I love it when you wear that dress!”
SO THERE, cat lady. I WIN.
This is why I hate people.