The impending return to work always stresses me out. Not because of the actual teaching or anything like that—it’s my third year, and for the first time, I’m actually feeling semi-competent and like I know what I’m doing. Sort of. Kinda. Well, a little bit more than normal.
Anyways, it’s less to do with the actual job I’ll be doing, but how I’ll fit in everything else I love. I’ve already shed a few tears over not being home with Andrew all the time. I’m lucky that I love to be home with my boyfriend as much as possible, and that we haven’t killed one another after being cooped up in the apartment all summer. And while we’ll have our evenings and weekends and other time, it’s not the same as waking up together and getting to have him around all day long.
It’s also about being able to fit in the other things I like. I always feel like a bit of a failure after a break—I didn’t paint as much, start sewing at all, make nearly as much crafty stuff as I wanted to, start on Andrew and I’s “love” scrapbook, or accomplish many other crafty things I’d planned. My eyes are always bigger than my…um, time? Patience? Ability to tear myself away from television and the internet? I don’t know what.
Still, summer has been good. It’s been a nice break, a respite from the craziness of paper grading, planning, meetings, commuting, students, parents, colleagues and endless work. I know I’m blessed to have such free time, to be able to count on it every single year. And I know that my sewing machine will be dusted off eventually, and that someday, the Gilmore Girls will not hold such prowess over my life and I’ll be more productive.
Or not. And either way? I’m OK with that.
Believe it or not, I’m looking forward to going back, to meeting 100 new kids I get to spend a year with, to having a routine again. Is anyone else like me, and a million more times productive when I have other things to do? Over the summer, getting to the gym seems like a huge chore, but when I have to cram it in after work? It seems easy. It just becomes part of life. I’m ready for structure, and purpose and to get back to my calling, the thing I know I should be doing. I suppose I’m lucky in that my work–my occupation, rather–oftentimes doesn’t feel like work, but more like a privilege.
What can I say? Despite break coming to an end, life is lovely. Just lovely.