Bad Dates, Part 3

Part One is here. Part Two is here. Sadly, this is only Part Three and we’re just scratchin’ the surface of the HORRID DATES I’ve been on.

A fellow blogger on 20-Something Bloggers wrote about a guy coming on too strong on the first date. Naturally, if it’s a dating story, I probably have a like-experience, and this was no exception.

I used to be a massage therapist. And while I could dedicate an entire BLOG for several years to describing the creeps I used to massage and all of the dates and um, other invitations I received while massaging various people. Sure, the majority of people were normal, but boy, there were quite a few weirdos.

I had one particular client that I’ll refer to as Sean (not his real name) who’d been seeing me from the beginning of my practice. He was really nice and smart, and had always been completely normal and kind. He worked at a local university, was a runner and used to come in every other week for a sports massage. We had friendly banter about books, running, work, living downtown and a variety of other topics and I looked forward to his appointments because he was nice and easy to talk to.

Anyways, during the majority of my tenure as a massage therapist, I had a steady boyfriend, a fact I made EXCEEDINGLY clear throughout the appointment by mentioning him regularly to all of my clients, just to be clear. I also mentioned that he might stop by at any time, just in case they thought they might have a chance at anything else happening. Sadly, we ended up breaking up at one point, and I had a really, really difficult time with it.

Sean happened to have a standing appointment the day after my ex and I broke up, and I rolled in, bedraggled, red-eyed and generally crappy looking and feeling. He asked me what was wrong, and I explained what was going on. Sean was totally sympathetic, gave me a huge tip, told me to buy something nice with it and was a real sweetheart about the whole thing. He also scheduled an additional appointment that week, under the guise of having a big run he wanted a massage after, and wanting to support me financially in my difficult time.

This appointment happened to take place on a Friday. I should have smelled it a mile away.

He showed up to his massage, and all seemed normal. After we finished, and were discussing weekend plans, Sean very casually asked if I wanted to walk to a nearby bar and grab a drink. I know, I know. I should have seen it coming. But I didn’t. I was lonely, and having a nice guy buy me a drink sounded pretty good to me.

We sat down and started having casual talk. Again, all seemed well–until he began saying things like, “So, do lots of guys have crushes on you?” and “Is it normal to have a thing for your masseuse?”

I tried to change the subject, and explain that it didn’t matter, because I’d been attached, and now I was a heart-broken wreck of a girl and didn’t need to be dating anyone for awhile. This was not enough. Sean then uttered the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life:

“Why don’t we go back to my apartment and make love.”


I declined. As I was explaining that I am decidedly NOT that type of girl, he cut me off mid-sentence and said, “Oh good, I’m not that kind of a person either and I just wanted to make sure you weren’t because if you were, I couldn’t like you and…”

Right, dude. It was a litmus test. I’m sure.

{As a side note: I could write a whole post about how much I hate the phrase “making love”! Who calls it that? Or, who calls it that on a casual, first-time-you’ve-ever-hung-out?! I mean, it’s not the worst euphemism, but I guess I’ve never been invited somewhere for that express purpose and had it referred to that way. I mean, really?! REALLY?!}

He walked me to my car, and babbled about how he was going to a town about two hours away the next day and wanted me to come and enjoy the drive, a bike ride and a beer and we could even stay there and OH MY GOD I COULDN’T GET AWAY QUICKLY ENOUGH.

As we approached my car, he tried to plant one on me, but I thankfully turned and gave him the cheek—there was definitely tongue there (EWWWW!) and he basically licked my face. As if that weren’t enough, he asked me one more time if he could talk me into MAKING LOVE TO HIM.

I never heard from him again. Sure, I lost a good massage client, but it sure wasn’t worth having awkward conversations about love-making with some dude I barely knew.

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3 responses to “Bad Dates, Part 3

  1. hahahaha I’ll have to share this story. a lot of girls I know are going through seriously bad dating experiences right now… but I don’t think any of them have been asked to ‘make love’ on the first date… not that you even knew it was a date! hilarious.

  2. Oh good god!!! EWWWWWWWW!!! Who DOES that?!

  3. Well at least he didn’t come back for another massage, that’s about the only thing that could have been more awkward than the date itself.

    I have been asked, by more than one guy, if I’d like to ‘make love’, it is so hard to keep a straight face! It is a total turn off, it just sounds so ridiculous, especially when it’s clearly going to be a one night/casual thing if it does happen and there’s certainly no love involved.

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