I’m going to treat this post like a compliment sandwich about Andrew: I’m going to tell you how awesome he is, tell a potentially hilarious-yet-humiliating story, and then say something sweet and sentimental so he knows I’m not mocking him. Except that I am. But only in the middle!
If you’re new around these parts, Andrew is my boyfriend of a year and a half. In all seriousness, Andrew is incredibly smart. He went to Cornell, got a perfect SAT score, is witty and hilarious and cuddly and adorable. But sometimes, he can be a little ridiculous about his claims of greatness. When we were first together, Andrew regaled me with the tale of how he invented the vintage t-shirt. You know the old, gross kind that look like they’re from Goodwill, but are actually around $37 at Macy’s? Well, Andrew apparently started vintage shopping in high school and collected old t-shirts. He literally has over 100 t-shirts (and thankfully, we have our own closets) that he’s procured over the years. One day, I commented on the sheer number of tees, and asked him why, pray tell, he needed to hang on to a t-shirt from a high school he never attended. Andrew then—I KID YOU NOT—informed me that he was responsible for the vintage t-shirt trend that’s huge across the nation. Simply by wearing them, first in high school, at a small, boarding high school in the middle of Illinois and then at Cornell, he started a trend that has shaped men’s fashion for the past 10 years.
And yep, he actually believes this.
Today, we were driving to sushi, discussing nothing of importance when Andrew casually asked me if he’d ever told me about how he invented GMail. Yes, you did read that correctly: my boyfriend believes that he invented GMail, as in the email provided by Google.
I asked him where he got such a COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS NOTION and he said that when he was in high school, he and a friend used to refer to their email as (this is a direct quote) “their GMail, since they were just a coupla g’s.” And yes, that G is for gangsta.
Of course, I thanked Andrew for inventing all things relevant to the average 20-something, because clearly he is a force not to be reckoned with. The man is golden. First, the vintage t-shirt and then GMail? And these are only the inventions he’s told me about?
Despite his delusional tendencies towards convincing himself that he invented everything cool, he is pretty adorable, and clearly he never, ever fails to make me laugh.