It’s time for another installment of Bad Dates I’ve Been On. This one could actually be my favorite, because this guy was clearly so weird and rude and awful in general. This was another friend of a friend. A friend of mine had some people over, and apparently, this guy was a friend of her boyfriend’s and he thought I was cute (I have NO recollection of meeting him, so…) and got my email address.
Via email, this guy was hilarious. He asked good questions, made me laugh and seemed incredibly intelligent. One of the funniest emails he sent me was a top ten list of things that suck about dating, before asking me to meet him for a beer at one of my favorite bars. I was really excited, because he seemed so funny. He definitely wasn’t the cutest guy ever, but I love people who are funny and figured if anyone could make me laugh out loud over email couldn’t be too terrible.
I arrived at the bar that night in my cutest outfit, and found him sitting outside with a beer in front of him. I grabbed a framboise and joined him.
And then, he just sat there.
I asked about his day, a family event he’d attended the weekend before, made observations about the weather, prattled on about friends. I got yes or no answers, an an occasional grunt. After 15 minutes, I was just spent. I looked at him expectantly, waiting for the hilarious email guy I’d gotten to know to chime in.
Thankfully, the people next to us were having a very juicy conversation about how one man was cheating on his girlfriend and trying to break it off. I’m a notorious eavesdropper, so this was plenty of entertainment for me as I sipped my drink. Finally, Mr. No-Personality notices that I’ve stopped talking and started listening to someone else.
“You like listening to other people’s conversations, huh?” he grunted.
“Oh, yeah…um, you know…anything that’s interesting or funny or awkward. It’s bad, I know…I just…”
He looked at me for a second.
“Like this one?”
He proceeded to chug his beer, slam down his glass and exit the bar as quickly as possible. No goodbye, no nothing. Just chugging of beer, and then out.
He totally kept emailing me. Needless to say, we never, ever, went out again.
A few months later, Andrew and I were out at the same bar and I saw him, with yet another girl, trying to make conversation and staring at him expectantly. It took everything I had not to go rescue that girl and apologize for the fact that she was clearly on a date with the world’s most awful conversationalist.