I have a bit of a vomit phobia. Okay, I have a freaking HUGE vomit phobia. I haven’t puked in 12 years. In fact, I celebrate my Vomit Anniversary every year on Veteran’s Day. Sure, it’s weird. And believe me: I’ve done my share of drinking and still never gotten sick. My highly patented, secret system involves copious amounts of mint, Diet Coke, a bath/shower and a few other tricks in especially desperate circumstances. And in all truth, everyone who has employed my system has been successful at not vomiting. It works, people, and maybe, someday, I will share it on this blog.
But I digress.
So, besides my fear of vomiting, I have an equally intense fear of having other people puke. I am a good friend in many circumstances: I will bandage your wound and hug you while you cry, but under NO circumstances will I hold your hair while you puke. Never. I worry about what I’ll be like as a mom because literally NOTHING frightens me as much as someone barfing. It’s so bad, Internet, that I check a special website (what’s up Kids In Mind?!) that warns kids/parents of all sorts of “inappropriate” things, puke included, prior to seeing a movie so I can prep for any vomit scenes.
Anyways, now that you know about my little “issue” I want to know: why does the media include vomit on every damn TV show and movie? I was watching a preview for some new football reality show with Michael Irvin and there was puke. The Real World, Road Rules, etc.? Riddled with vomit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been eating dinner while watching The Biggest Loser and gagged at watching contestants hurl on the treadmill.
Am I alone in this, Internet? Does anyone really LOVE watching someone else puke? Is it some thrill for you to see the contents of someone’s stomach explode out of them, with gagging noises? Does it trigger some sort of positive emotion? Make you want to watch more?
If it does, I’m not gonna lie: we’re probably not gonna be friends. But beyond that, why do they show it? I can tell that a workout is intense or that a food is gross without seeing barf. I can definitely live without it in movies, where I have to see it and hear it on surround sound. Also, those of you who think vomit is funny?
You’re dead to me. DEAD TO ME.