—The semi-truck, stacked with logs that smell like cedar, will become unbundled and cause me to meet my untimely death as I drive down Highway 99.
—My closed shower curtain is hiding a masked serial killer, ready to torture me.
—I will awaken to Harry cat, hanging between the blinds he crawls through every day as he tries to leap off the windowsill.
—The food I’m eating contains botulism or some other equally horrifying poison and I will be wrought with food poisoning and die.
—There is a rat or a snake waiting in the school toilet, ready to nibble on my rump.
—The next time my phone rings, it will be the worst kind of call, the kind no one ever wants to get.
—I will awaken to a man cutting the screen off of my open bedroom window and Andrew will have to fend him off.
—One of my students will puke all over my classroom, and some of it will get on me.
—There is a man waiting for me in my back seat, and someone will have to flash their headlights at my while I drive in the dark to prevent me from being killed (anyone remember this gem of a Scary Story?).
—My airbags will deploy while I’m driving.
—My airbags WON’T DEPLOY in the face of an accident.
—Every time I see a cop, I fear I’ll be arrested. Do I do things that are illegal? Not very often. Do I have any reason to believe that I’m in any sort of trouble? Not one. Still? IT FREAKS ME OUT.
*If you’re wondering, yes, I am aware that I’m at least slightly insane.