My good friend Leslie and I have kind of a running joke or “event” that happens whenever we hang out. We get bashed on in some way. Our first time was when we were walking down the streets of gorgeous midtown Sacramento, when guys drove by in a car and said, “Gays are disgusting! Disgusting bitches!” as we perused art. For the record, we are not lesbians, and even if we were, um, pretty sure downtown Sacramento is not your scene if you hate gay people.
The next time we had it happen, we were enjoying dinner at Red Robin. We both share a deep love of their french fries and ranch, their burgers and their desserts. Sometimes, girls just gotta eat, so we went there fully intending on having a big old dinner. We ordered dessert and were served with a HUGE piece of mud pie.
Like, really huge:
Anyways, as we were enjoying this beautiful creation, two guys leaned over our booth and ogled our giant piece of heaven. One of them said, “We were just seeing if you were gonna finish it!” The other one replied, “Oh yeah…those two are gonna finish it!”
Thanks for calling us fat, JERKS!
Since that meal, we’ve had our sushi choices mocked and are always on the lookout for the next time we’ll be insulted.
Today’s fat bashing came from someone I’ve never seen, however. Someone who doesn’t know me whatsoever. Someone who’s not even real. Yes, that’s right: I was fat bashed by A HOROSCOPE WEBSITE. I found a sort of funny website based on your astrological sign, and since I was just bored on the couch, I thought I’d take a gander. This was my result:
Amy E is deeply sensual. Her senses of touch, smell and sight are highly refined. And as for her taste? It’s impeccable. Amy is extremely discriminating – when she sees the best, she won’t ever settle for anything less. She would rather ‘go without’ than go for a poor substitute. But then that’s Amy all over. It really isn’t fair to call her ‘stubborn as a mule.’ Mules are adaptable, easy going creatures who are always eager to please – or at least, they are by comparison to Amy E. Unfortunately, for a person with such expensive preferences Amy is not a millionaire …or at least, not yet. You never know, it may just happen because Amys’ relationship with money is very interesting. She treats it with a curious mixture of disdain and respect. She never lets it stand in her way, yet she will go out of her way to get it when she needs to. Amy is a smart cookie and a shrewd operator. It is not though, merely in the field of finance that Amy E displays intuitive wisdom.
Amy has an affinity with nature. She can make almost any plant flower and bear fruit. This is just as well because Amy has a hearty appetite. She likes her food as indeed she likes all her creature comforts. Fond though she is of all the above – and of all life’s little luxuries – there is one more source of endless fascination that Amy cannot resist. Amy doesn’t so much have a hearty appetite for sensual pleasure as a ravenous hunger for it! Which is funny really because you wouldn’t necessarily think it to look at her. Amy likes to play it cool. Amy likes to pretend that nothing bothers her, fazes her or excites her. Like all Taureans though, Amy E is a powerhouse of passion, as those who are lucky enough to know her – or to love her – will breathlessly testify.
I was glad to read about my gardening talents…that makes me happy since that’s my current obsession. And I’m not opposed to being called a powerhouse of passion. But “This is just as well because Amy has a hearty appetite. She likes her food as indeed she likes all her creature comforts”? REALLY? I’m not saying it’s wrong, but what the hell? Even the internet knows I’m a fatty?
That kinda sucks.
*Care to be insulted? Check out your horoscope here.